#MissionEmpties – Product Reviews Pt. 4

Round four – here we go! Please note, the JPG lotion is on the runny side, so cutting the tube open wasn’t necessary. The Clarins body lotion and night cream were subsequently cut to dig out the remaining product. 😉

 

1. Jean Paul Gaultier – CLASSIQUE PERFUMED BODY LOTION

A sales associate gave this to me because she said I had nice eyebrows. *wiggles them* If you love JPG’s Classique fragrance and you’re looking for a way to amp it up or increase its longevity, this is it. If you’ve never smelled Classique (you know the bottle – the one that’s shaped like a woman’s torso), it’s an inoffensive sweet white floral in a powdery base. Every time I wore this lotion I had to layer it over an unfragranced one, because on its own it did not provide enough moisture. If you’re not a sufferer of horrifically dry body skin like I am, you probably won’t have to do that. The back of the tube says not for retail sale – obviously this was meant to be a GWP item, so I’m not sure if it’s expensive or readily available, but I did enjoy it either way!

 

2. First Aid Beauty – ULTRA REPAIR CREAM

Shit. Just complete and utter shit. There’s a reason why Sephora literally GIVES this stuff away.

 

3. Paula’s Choice – RESIST ANTI-AGING CLEAR SKIN HYDRATOR

Stunk. Had to rinse it off of my face. BYE!

 

4. Clarins – MOISTURE-RICH BODY LOTION

Quite possibly my favourite body moisturizer ever, besides my standard Eucerin Complete Repair and Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Body Emulsion mixed with their Sesame Body Oil. This is right on the cusp of being considered a cream. This lotion has heavy-duty emollients in it. You only need a small marble- or small gumball-sized blob for each limb for it to do what it’s supposed to do. Although it seems expensive at first, it’s actually quite economical, given that you don’t need to use a lot at a time. The 400 mL luxury size is amazing value, so snag it if you ever find it!

 

5. Desert Essence – COCONUT SHAMPOO

Smells cheap and feels cheap. I don’t think I’ll be buying any more Desert Essence products, because they simply don’t perform.

 

6. Ole Henriksen – PURE TRUTH YOUTH ACTIVATING OIL

Ugh. I can’t stand Ole Henriksen products. They are so poorly formulated and feel so unrefined. It’s like they don’t take products on a testing and tweaking journey to make sure they get the formula just right. Nope. Whatever they come up with on the first go is what they use. I’m sorry if I’ve offended any Ole fans. If you’ve used properly good products you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that all of his stuff feels cheap! The name and the claims of this oil are ludicrous. Nothing about this oil is “youth activating”. They tout rosehip oil (which I’m sure ALL of us are over and sick of at this point) as being the miracle ingredient in this product, and that it contains vitamin A, vitamin C, and omegas 3, 6, and 9. Okay. No. Rosehip oil doesn’t have vitamin A (retinol) in it, it has scarce amounts of retinoic acid, which is a vitamin A metabolite. Literally not even worth mentioning. Rosehips themselves (the FRUIT) contain vitamin C, but rosehip OIL does not. The vitamin C is totally obliterated during processing. A lot of people associate vitamin C with the colour orange, but this product isn’t orange because it contains vitamin C, it’s orange because rosehip oil contains beta-carotene, which is the same chemical that makes carrots orange, for example. The orangey scent of this product comes from the unnecessary inclusion of tangerine oil, which again is to trick you into thinking the product is loaded with vitamin C. Okay, the oil does contain omegas. But that’s hardly groundbreaking. The product itself smells like black tea and orange zest when it’s first applied, but as it sits on the skin it starts to smell like mouldy towels. This wouldn’t happen if it was a more clever formulation. OH has now earned a permanent spot on my shit list after trying and being disappointed by all of their products. Won’t happen again, folks!

 

7. Lush – SHAVING CREAM (DIRTY)

This is a good shaving cream. The only downside is that it clogs the razor as you shave, so you have to rinse it thoroughly under scorching hot water after every pass to dislodge the cream from the blades, which is very annoying! Maybe others wouldn’t be as annoyed as I am by this minute detail, but I hate shaving, and the constant razor-rinsing adds a good 5 minutes to a task that I already can’t stand doing.

 

8. L’Oréal Paris – RADIANCE REVEALING GENTLE EXFOLIATOR

If tonic exfoliation (vs. chemical exfoliation) is your thing, then you’d probably like this. Smells beautifully of apricots, and buffs the skin just enough for that instant gratification you can only get by using a scrub. This tube lasted me quite a while because I only used it once a week, if even.

 

9. Clarins – GENTLE FOAMING CLEANSER WITH COTTONSEED

This is a really rotten cleanser. It’s extremely soapy, drying, and leaves your face feeling like it has a squeaky layer of slime on it… if you’d like a horrific analogy, think of dried bar soap scum stuck to the bottom of a shower. This is the worst cleanser that Clarins makes, in my opinion — the other foaming cleansers are okay, however. Their cleansing milks and cleansing oil are the stars of the show. Stick with them.

 

10. Clarins – MULTI-ACTIVE NIGHT (YOUTH RECOVERY COMFORT CREAM)

Just thinking about this product gives me heart palpitations. It is one of the most beautiful things that’s ever touched my face. The smell of it is enough to send you to dreamland – it’s like an exquisite mix of woody notes and lavender. The cream itself is quite rich, but it isn’t greasy or gross feeling on the skin. You can feel its comforting effects the second it touches your skin. It layers beautifully with Clarins’ facial oils, as well. This moisturizer with Blue Orchid Oil on top is sensory Nirvana.